A long night

Wednesday, February 24, 2010 7:04 AM, MST

Last night was one of the most difficult for me emotionally so far. It just really hit me, how far away from my big girls I am, how isolating this place can be, how many procedures my baby will have to go through, how many times I am going to stand by her bedside helpless to relieve the pain she is feeling, the hunger that cannot be satisfied, the confusion she cannot possibly understand. As her mama, I want to pick her up and run far, far away. I just want to go home, be with all of my family, and make this whole thing disappear. No more beeping monitors, x-rays, tubes, needles.

And I know that it is so hard for my girls at home. They've never been away from me for so long, and they miss me. I miss them like crazy. But they cannot even come to visit me right now because of a nasty cough. Kevin and I chatted at 3am because he needs to take Liberty back to the Dr. She had a mild ear infection on Friday and was put on antibiotics

, but last night had a horrible hacking cough all night long even with medicine. I am really hoping that she can just get some nebulizer meds for our home nebulizer, and kick this cough to the curb. And I am praying specifically that no one else in our house catches what she has. When they are all healthy, they will finally be able to come into the NICU to visit Cassidy for the first time.

We were able to Skype with them the night before last when Kevin was still at the hospital. What a blessing technology is! They were able to feel like they were actually interacting with their baby sister for the first time, telling us what they wanted to see, ask us questions, etc. Hooray for Skype :)

Cassidy did finally get the PICC line placed, the whole thing took over four hours and four placement attempts. They actually made a little incision in the crease of her arm to be able to find a larger vein because all of her surface veins have been bruised and thrashed from iv attempts. The Dr thought she had a good vein but for some reason the PICC line would get stuck and just wouldn't go in far enough. She tried three times to make that vein work. Finally she and another fellow doctor reopened her arm, found yet another tiny vein (I saw it and it looks like a piece of thread) and managed to place the line in that vein and get it in far enough. They had to sedate her twice because the whole thing took so long, and it just broke my heart. But now that the line is in place, she should have a much easier time here, no more pokes and draws. There is a possible need for an extra iv to accommodate a blood transfusion.

I don't want to get my hopes up, but there is even the possibility that we could go home sooner than I thought, as long as she tolerates her feeds well. She will be off feeds through probably Tuesday if her scan from this morning is clear, and then we go from there.

Pray specifically that her GI tract will clear out and heal itself completely in the 7 days she will be off feeds. Pray that once we reintroduce feeds, she will tolerate them well. Pray that she will grow while on the TPN feeds she is getting through her iv. She was up 50 grams last night, and we have a goal of 2.5 kilos before surgery. I think she finally broke 1900 grams last night! Also, please pray for our family, that I can be strong for the girls, that they will get healthy, and that we will all have an abundance of patience throughout these trials and tribulations. We are so thankful for all of you who are keeping us in your prayers!